To be honest, in a very childish way it is to make him eat too! I am still a pretty attractive woman and I am confident in myself, he has never seen that side of me because I didn't really know it existed way back then. I think it would do exactly what some of you said it would do - help me to see him as someone different than this faceless man I am endlessly searching for in my dreams.
#MY FIRST LOVE BROKE MY HEART FOR THE FIRST TIME PROFESSIONAL#
I also agree that I need to seek professional help to sort all of that out, I have an appointment tomorrow.īUT - Part of "sorting this all out" to me is to still see his face. I didn't realize that until the last few weeks when I started to think about all of that, and the reason I changed in the ways I did. Yes - I think this IS bigger than just this man and it is rooted in my childhood and everything that happened to me back then. Ive appreciated them all and they have given me some things to think about. Hi everyone - thank you so much for your response to my question. I can't do this anymore but everything I have tried has never made this go away! What do I do now with this feeling? I could call back the number he called me from, but what would I say? Why would it matter? How do I finally walk away? How can I make him stop haunting my dreams? I feel like I am that kid who waited around after school for somebody that never showed and it wasn't even a date! He said he wanted to see me too - and I don't think he has bad intentions either - except he hasn't called me back to set something specific up. I thought it could put an end to my dreams. I asked to see him, not trying to take it where it shouldn't go - just needed to see his face. We talked for a little bit and it turns out that he lives about an hour away from me. He calls me after all of this time about 2 weeks ago, completely out of the blue. I am so different than I was then and I am sure he is too! WHY does this matter to me still when logic tells me this! What does any of what happened back then have to do with things now? I am a happy, active, successful, married mom that lives life in a way so far removed from my days in that small sad little town!Ĥ. I still have an ache in my heart when I think of him and I am STILL trying to move on like I am OK when I guess I am not! I have dreamt of him 6 or so times every single year for the last 20 and in every single dream Ive ever had I cannot see his face! They are seldom a "romantic" dream, I am usually just looking for him and I cannot fond him ro he is just around the corner - only he never shows up! There has been many times he was in my dreams just before I woke up and I would wake up crying! I have not seen this man since I was 17 years old and he haunts me and it makes me sick!ģ. I had to move on like it was nothing when I felt like I had died inside!Ģ. It ended when I found out that he was telling his family we had already broken up and he was living with another woman! I really loved this man and I had given him my whole heart! I knew breaking up with him was already decided for me and that I needed to move on but it was one of the hardest thing I ever had to do.
We tried to make it work through a long distance relationship while I was finishing up school but it didn't work. I was a kid in high school, from a small town with a crappy childhood and I fell hard for a guy that absolutely broke my heart when it was all said and done! We dated for about a year and then he went into the armed services. To understand I have to tell a little story:ġ. Ok, really confused here and I am not sure why it even effects me still so badly (annoyed with that fact actually)
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